WP:\Club\First National Church of Bort
Weekly meetings on Tuesdays from 12:15 AM to 12:27 AM at the Congregation Church of Bort next to the abandoned Walmart. No hate speech except towards people with the flu and sometimes Canadian people, but only if they’re from Nova Scotia on the East side. Join us for Freddy Freaker Fridays at Adam & Eve to receive an additional 8.5% off your order!
Tomorrow is Holy Day of Bort. Please leave any sacrificial items at the Wills Classroom on Ledge Road. We will discuss the future of Ray Gun and a new golden age as we look ahead. At our next Freddy Freaker Friday the Church will be handing out complimentary Excedrin pills and Honey Maid crackers. Exceptions will be made for any allergies.
Halo has been phased out. The protocol will go as follows: no one responds and no one initiated communication. We will discuss more on the matter at the next Freddy Freaker Friday. His subscription to EksBaks has expired.
Today we welcome the Sup Bram. Bram is now apart of the First National Church of Bort. Welcome, Bram.
We have lost a member of the First National Church of Bort. Halo has been exiled from Xbox and the procedure is being executed. As such, he is to be left alone. The First National Church of Bort does not tolerate nonsense. It is not what the Church was founded for. More information will be given at next week’s Freddy Freaker Friday.
Come join us for Sweaty Nuts Sundays. We have a contest to see who can have the most sweaty nuts. Winner gets Planter’s sweaty nuts.
I have gone to the church every Tuesday from 12:15 AM - 12:27 AM next to the abandoned Walmart and I’m really pissed that no one else shows up. I have prayed to the almighty bort every Tuesday alone, to myself, as I freeze outside bc the church is locked and while getting hot dogs slung at me by the fellow hoodlums. I expect to be reimbursed.
To remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine. That’s equal to the impact created by a 500-pound car crashing into a wall at 30 miles per hour. I rest my case. (3)
According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the size of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that the missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed. Plus after this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered. (2)